Ashley Cain is struggling during the holiday after recalling the last Easter he spent with his baby daughter.
The reality star and sports icon, 33, lost daughter Azaylia in 2021 to cancer when she was just eight months old.
He has since dedicated his life to raising awareness of childhood cancer and raising money for charity in her memory, as well as speaking openly about grief including in devastating MTV series Faces.
Ashley became a father again in January this year, welcoming son Aliyas with an unnamed friend.
But despite the love he has for his new child, he is still overcome with grief after the loss of his firstborn, and shared his conflicting emotions in a heartbreaking Instagram post on Easter Sunday.
Taking to the site, he shared a series of photographs of Azaylia eating a chocolate egg in a hospital bed, surrounded by an Easter-themed picture book and cuddly bunny teddy.
On Easter Sunday, he admitted that he doesn’t know how to spend these kinds of occasions anymore.
‘Day to day life, you suck it up and smile, but these times of the year prove extremely difficult. This day should be an incredibly happy day with my son, but since last night I haven’t been able to stop thinking about the last Easter I spent with my daughter.’
He remembered Easter with Azaylia as a ‘very sad and painful day’ which ‘completely breaks time to revisit’ as she ‘took her final breaths and left us for heaven’ just 20 days later.
Reflecting on the short time he had with his daughter, he called her his ‘first true love… [not] only the love of my life, but the inspiration for my life itself.’
He said that because Azaylia is his hero, he has vowed to be that for her little brother, his son Aliyas.
‘So this Easter, not only will I try to smile through the tears for my son, but I will try with all of my heart to do it for my daughter.’
Addressing Azaylia directly, he went on: ‘I love you champ, forever and always with everything in my heart and I miss you so much that it hurts, every single day.
‘My love, my prayers, my thoughts and my smiles will be with you and for you today My little Angel.’
Both Azaylia and newborn Aliyas share the same middle name, Diamond, with grieving Ashley forced to defend the choice of their similar names after his son was born after some criticised him online.
He wrote on Instagram in January: ‘What the letter “A” holds is a family tradition, being the first letter of my father’s and all of my uncle’s first names.
‘The name “Diamond” is from my grandma and their mother. It’s our family name along with Cain, it’s our Vincentian roots, all the way from our small island and from our great people.’
He revealed his son to his followers with a sincere message next to a picture of the newborn, saying: 'Aliyas Diamond Cain – 16.01.24, 4:32am, 9lbs 3oz.
‘I will love you, appreciate you, guide you and protect you with all of my heart, for the rest of my life. & you will have the most beautiful guardian angel heaven holds watching over you and protecting you too.
‘Welcome to the world my son.’
He added: ‘May your body be strong, your mind be wise, your heart be loving and your spirit be pure and truly powerful.’
Ashley and his ex Safiyya started The Azaylia Foundation in August 2021 to assist other families dealing with heartbreaking childhood illnesses.
