By Julia Frankel, Associated Press
JERUSALEM (AP) — A brother thought about ending his own life. A sister stopped going to school. A father barely speaks. Each day, the relatives of hostages held in Gaza since Oct. 7 face increasing despair.
Their hopes were raised that a cease-fire deal was near to bring some of their loved ones home by the start of Ramadan, the Muslim holy month that began Monday. But that informal deadline passed without any agreement.
Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu’s promise of “total victory” in the war against Hamas now rings hollow for many hostages’ families after five emotionally draining months.
“We are reading the news every single minute. Egypt says something, the Qataris say something different, the Americans say a deal is close, Israel says it’s not,” said Sharon Kalderon, whose brother-in-law, Ofer, remains in captivity. “We try to read between the lines, but we haven’t heard anything about Ofer for months. Nothing that can help us breathe.”
When Hamas-led fighters stormed into southern Israel on Oct. 7, they killed some 1,200 people, mostly civilians, and took around 250 hostages. Since then, Israel’s offensive has killed more than 31,000 Palestinians, according to Gaza health officials, and driven hundreds of thousands to the brink of starvation.
Hamas has been designated as a terrorist organization by the United States, Canada and the European Union.
About 120 hostages were freed during a November cease-fire that also led to the release of hundreds of Palestinians from Israeli prisons; three hostages were accidentally killed by Israeli forces during an attempted rescue mission. Now families are focused on bringing home the remaining hostages, at least 34 of whom are dead, according to the Israeli government.
Some families channel their desperation into unrelenting advocacy — traveling to the U.N. in New York, marching to Jerusalem from southern Israel, or wearing red shirts emblazoned with the words “Bring them Home” while running the Jerusalem marathon.
But for other families, a quieter suffering has taken hold.
“You see some of the families running around, going on the TV, making noise. These are the ones that are holding on,” said Ricardo Grichener, the uncle of Omer Wenkert, a 22-year-old hostage. “The ones that are not leaving the houses, they are in a really bad situation.”
Since their home in Kibbutz Nir Oz was destroyed Oct. 7, Sharon Kalderon and her husband, Nissan, have stayed on the 12th floor of an apartment building in the Israeli city of Ramat Gan. Ofer, Nissan’s only brother, remains in captivity.
Nissan recently considered ending his own life.
Nissan said, "This situation is difficult. I can't sleep or eat. I'm not working. I feel like I'm losing my mind. It's too much for me."
Sharon said she gets scared whenever he goes out to the balcony.
International negotiators were hopeful they could arrange a temporary truce before Ramadan by including a six-week cease-fire, the release of Israeli hostages and Palestinian prisoners, and the delivery of humanitarian aid to Gaza. However, Hamas wanted assurance of a longer-term peace, which Israel rejected.
Grichener said, "We don't believe a deal is possible unless U.S. President Joe Biden performs a miracle. We don't see any solution. We see no reason for Hamas to be flexible. They won't gain anything." He added that they are pressuring the Israeli government, but he thinks they have already made mistakes.
His nephew, Omer, who is in captivity, requires medication for his digestive illness. His family has doubts about the medical assistance reaching him. medical aid for hostages that entered Gaza in January ever made it to him.
Meetings between the families and war cabinet officials are ongoing, but families feel powerless to change the sweep of negotiations. Many have received no official updates on the status of their loved ones, and instead hold on to the tidbits conveyed by hostages released in November.
Shlomi Berger, the father of 19-year-old Agam Berger, said he last heard that she was alive in November. A hostage released during the cease-fire, Agam Goldstein-Almog, told him that his daughter — one of 19 women hostages, according to Israel — was alive and had wished him a happy birthday.
Berger said, "You can imagine how it felt to receive a sign of life from my daughter for the first time."
However, months later, the excitement is reduced by considerable anxiety and uncertainty, as well as by the accounts of former hostages about the harsh conditions.
Berger said, "Nobody knows her situation. We don't even know if she's alive or dead. It's just a big mystery." He added, "It's crazy. We don't know if she's getting what she needs."
Israel's National Insurance provides mental health counseling for parents, spouses, and children of hostages. However, Berger's family is still paralyzed by the situation.
One of his daughters, a high school senior, has not attended school since October 7. One of his younger daughters has stopped eating, and his wife, an industrial engineer, has stopped working. He tries to avoid the news to spare himself from the daily emotional ups and downs.
He said, "One minute you read the news and think it's close to being resolved, and the next minute it seems like it's not. Nobody really knows what's happening."
During the night, Or Levy's parents started taking care of Levy’s 2-year-old son, Almog, after Hamas fighters killed Almog’s mother, Eynav, and took Levy as a hostage on Oct. 7. The family had to tell young Almog that his mother is dead and his father is missing.
“Most days I don’t even recognize my parents. My dad barely talks. Before Oct. 7, the last thing you could say about him was that he was a fragile man and now everybody who sees him is afraid to hug him,” said Michael Levy, Or’s brother. Levy said he’s lost 9 kilos (20 pounds) and barely sleeps.
In the future, relatives said their plans won’t change. They will continue to meet with the war cabinet and keep hoping for an eventual release.
On Monday, Sharon and Nissan Kalderon watched the sun set on the first full day of Ramadan.
“We really thought, today is the day,” Sharon said. “But unfortunately, this is just another day.”
